i can't take my eyes off of you
i tell people these things that i'm not sure i believe in just to comfort them. is that strange? i'm not sure i believe that everything happens for a reason, i'm not even sure i believe in karma (although i do believe that if i let enough cars out before me that it will pay off in the long run). i'm not sure i believe in heaven entirely or any sort of afterlife, despite the fact that i would really like to. it almost feels like a betrayal of a sort, it's just a false comfort. ----- while we're driving, sitting in silence except for the radio on a low volume, i find myself staring at you - at your stubble that i always love to touch, at your focused eyes, your shaggy hair. i cannot wrap my mind around how handsome you are, and how you can't get yourself to believe it. ----- it's ridiculous that i'm so starved for conversation - new conversation, not the same old same old - that i imagine hearing him say something to me amidst the silence. i want to learn things that i don't know, that interest me. i am sick of complaining about the same thing every day and i want to know who else sits and thinks, and their thought process is as though they are writing a book. ----- i am going to start teaching my mother how to play the piano tomorrow. ----- i want to make people happy again. i remember when i could cheer people up... i want to be empathetic, sympathetic; i don't ever want to blame anyone or be judgmental again. i want to change so many things that it's ridiculous. and for some reason i really want to go to college. ----- life goes easy on me, most of the time. ----- i want to understand people. i want to know what is going on behind their eyes and why they do everything they do. i am so sick of hating things. i want to love people and be empathetic and sympathetic and help everyone out that i can. i am going to try, i am really, truly going to try. ----- i am so in love that sometimes i can't believe it myself. i just want to fall asleep every night with his arms around me - so protective and warm and loving. the three things i need most. |
2008-03-23 at 9:04 p.m. |